Billabong
by Misty Yuy
Summary: Ok.. for the last time.. THIS IS HUMOR. STRAIGHT FULL ON HUMOR. Aparently there has been SOMEONE that doesn't have a sense of humor and is very negative. MATE (BACK OFF). Anyway.. this is a fic about the G-boys taking a holiday to Australia. 1+2 3+4 HUMOR
1. Default Chapter

Title: Billabong (1/?)  
Genre: PG-13-maybe R, just to be safe cause there's a lil bit of cussing and such.

Pairings: 3+4, 1+2 …[5+his hand (Just kidding ^_^)]

Disclaimer: Feh~ I don't own GW, never have never will. Wish I did though. :D

Info: Ok, this is just me sitting on my own bored out of my brain. No one I know as of yet has done a fic where the G-boys take a trip to good ol' Down Under and it's about time something was done about it ^_^. There area where the boys are is a little like the Billabong around my town. If ya in Aust. And know where the Murry River is then ya'd also know King's Billabong ^_^. Went canoeing in there once and I capsized and SWORE to the heavens that there was something in there was something in the water that made me panic and walk (More like RUN) on water like Jesus. That spooky I know but HEY, this is Australia mate. Anything is possible. Be warned when going camping with Aboriginal friends.. They have the scariest camp stories to tell that would make ya wanna run to ya mummies. (Won't go there, has had fair share of aboriginal spook-the-livin'-shits-outta-ya night time stoires). Anyway, this is what I think it would be like for the boys to have a holiday in good Ol' Aussie. ^_^ Enjoy!

~~~

Billabong.

"Are you sure this is where we are supposed to be Duo?"

Duo grinned as he scanned over the map that he had picked up at the airport. "Heero's co-ordinates should lead us right into this bendy part here." He indicated showing his companion, Wufei behind him the spot where it was clearly marked with a red 'X'.

"OWWww…" Screeched Wufei followed by a string of muttered curses. 

"What?"  
  
"You slapped me in the face with a branch."

"Didn't mean it. I don't want to get my hair caught."

It was sometime after that that Wufei began to wonder if they had truly become lost amongst the harsh terrain of Outback Australian bush. Heero, Trowa and Quatre had come a couple days earlier, being as Duo and Wufei both had errands to run for the Preventers at the time and now that they all had they annual 2 week leave, it was Quatre's bright idea that they all take a holiday to Down Under Australia. 

Simply because no one had been there before at all.

"What was that?"  
  
"What was what?"  
  
//rustle rustle//

"THAT?!"

"I heard nothing. You hearin' things Wu."  
  
"WU-FEI, Maxwell. Wufei."  
  
Duo was about to retort back when Quatre suddenly burst out of nowhere and glomped Duo to the ground.   
  
"DUO! You both made it." 

"Yeah we made it. Umm Quatre?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
The braided boy winced as he squirmed beneath the blonde onto of him. "Can you let me out, I'm sitting on a thistle."  
  
"Ah, sorry Duo."  
  
~~~  
  
"AHHHhhh.. HEEEERO. You know how MUCH that FUCKING HURTS?"  
  
"Hn." Replied Heero as he pulled another prickle from Duo's bare behind.

"Yeah, yeah… Love you t-AAAAAaaahhh.." Duo cried, "Oh what a great way to start of a holiday. Thistle's up my ar-AAAAaaaaaaah."

"Hn, last one"  
  
Outside the tent the others could only listen and try and block out Duo's screams of pain. Trowa had settled himself by the fire checking to see if the billy had boiled yet.

"It'll be getting dark soon. Should make something to eat while we're hear."  
  
"As long as it's not what we had last night" Quatre winced in memory of what Heero had made, as healthy and beneficial as the Japanese boy had made it out to be he's guts had other recommendations.

"YAAaaaaaaoooowww… S'THAT THE LOT?"

"Yeah."

Just when poor Duo thought it was all over-

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaahhhh… WHAT DA FUCK WAS THAT. Ow Ow .. IT HURTS…"  
  
"Just some disinfectant. Or would you rather it get infected."  
  
"I don't know who's the bigger prick here, you or the thistles."  
  
Wufei snorted at the last statement indeed it was one HELL of a payback from what the braided boy had done to him on the plane.

A moment later Duo had come from the tent rubbing his sore behind with Heero beside him.  
  
Wufei smirked. "Feeling better?"  
  
"Shove it Wu." He retorted while flipping the Chinese boy the finger and sitting down ever so carefully on a particularly uncomfortable log. Trowa handed Heero, Wufei and Duo their coffee and Quatre his tea.

~~~  
  
Tea had gone without fuss, except for the matter when Wufei set his plate down he noticed he was one less sausage and passed it off as being so tired form the hike getting to the campsite to the Billabong.

The group sat surrounding the fire each with a marshmallow on their stick. Quatre glanced at Heero's.  
  
"Umm Heero… It's on fire."   
  
Heero glanced at the flaming treat and swallowed it flames and all then a puff of smoke came out of his nose.

Duo then gave Heero his most unenthusiastic stare. "Show off."

"Does anyone really believe that there are Bunyips in a billabong?" Quatre queried out aloud.   
  
"What the hell is a Bunyip?" Duo inspected his well cooked sweet on a stick and gobbled it down.  
  
"I saw it on the television. They're supposed to be these hideous slimy, green, and scary. He's supposed to be really big and kind of like a giant ape man sort of thing."

Duo blanched and hugged his knees to his chin suddenly feeling a little more than nervous but keeping it well hidden. "A-are they… Man eaters?" He gulped.

"I dunno. Maybe!"  
  
That night Duo vowed to stick real close to Heero. And it wasn't just to keep warm.

~~~  
  
It was late at night; Quatre and Trowa had their own 'personal' tent while Heero, Duo and Wufei bedded up in the second one. Duo was snuggled up to Heero in the one sleeping bag that just happened to fit both of them while Wufei was quite content in his own.

  
"Heero?" Duo looked up from where his head was using his lovers chest as a pillow.  
  
"Mm…"  
  
"Do you have your gun?"  
  
"Baka, go to sleep." Indeed his gun was under his pillow.  
  
Wufei tossed and turned and sunk down deeper into sleeping bag. "Both of you shut up and sleep."

~~~  
  
//Grooooaaaaahhnnnn//

Duo's eyes snapped wide open at the sudden not so distance noise.  
  
//Mooooowwaaaahhhooo//  
  
"H-hhh-hee-ero. W-wake up."  
Heero groaned and rubbed at his eyes. "Mmm, what is it Duo?"  
  
"Hear t-that?"  
  
"No. Go to sleep."  
  
//Mwwaaaalll…//

"There it is again. It's the Bunyip." Duo ducked deep down the sleeping bag.

The Japanese boy had to stifle a moan as his braided lover unintentionally brushed up against his groin area. "It was probably just Quatre and Trowa."  
  
"They don't sound like that. Do they?" Was Duo's muffled reply, but then noticed that his lover was having ideas and decided that if it was Quatre and Trowa then there was nothing to worry about.  
  
"Don't know. Don't care." He paused for a moment and looked down at the big mound halfway down the sleeping bag. "Don't just stare at it. Suck it."  
  


The American giggled. "Feisty aren't we."  
  
As for on the other side of the tent, poor little lonely Wufei was busy trying to hold back a nose bleed and to try and blank out the noises from both in and outside the tent he was in and covered his head with his pillow.

~~~  
  
//Mwaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaaaaa-aaaa-aaa-aaaaahhhhh//  
  
Morning came and Wufei was awoken by some strange cackling. "Ahhh.. DUOOOO SHUT UP!"  
  
"Wu, that's not me." Indeed Duo was still huddled in the sleeping bag but without Heero in it.  
  
"Well, what the hell is it." The cackling started up again both near and far.  
  
"Kookaburras." The Braided boy yawned finally feeling how cold it was without Heero next to him and mentally wished he'd come back to bed.

"Ok, what the hell is a Kookaburra?"  
  
Just then Quatre poked his head inside the tent smiling a bright morning smile and letting in the morning light making Wufei cover his head mumbling endlessly about morning people and their morning habits.  
  
"Breakfast is ready."  And as quick as he came the blonde had disappeared back outside where duo could spot Heero already dressed with a cup of hot coffee in his hand along with Towa and Quatre, in his… bunnie slippers?

~~~  
  
"Duo we need water, you go get it." Towa handed the braided boy the billy can and pointed to the Billabong just a down the bank.  
  
"No way man, get Wufei to do it." Duo tried to make like he was busy in order to get out of doing the assigned chore.  
  
"Wufei is doing his exercises. You're not." Trowa gave Duo a shove towards the water out yonder.

"B-but what if the Bunyip gets me?"  
  
"We'll have it for dinner. You really believe all that of what Quatre said, don't you?"  
  
"FINE! Getting the water." The braided boy huffed and slowly and cautiously made his way down the side of the bank looking everywhere, his senses searching the entire area for a sound, sighting or even a smell. He took a deep breath and tried to remind himself that Quatre was just probably out to scare him. Being a foreign country and a long way from home, he was not very familiar on the actually history and old folk tales of the Australian Outback regions.

He squatted down on the bank and gazed into the deep slightly murky water, he dipped the billy can into the water and didn't even realise his necklace was loose, it then feel into the water with a 'plop'.  
  
"Shit."   
  
He put the can aside and reached into the water he praised as he saw a flicker of shiny metal only about a foot under and reached to grab it. He could feel something fury and a little slimy but brushed that off as being normal pond slime. He retrieved his cross and necklace all right but wasn't expecting to see what he saw next.

There in the still waters was a pair of spooky bright gleaming eyes staring right up at him…

TBC…

A/N: You want more..? Do inform me ^_^  
  
  



	2. Billabong Part 2

Title: Billabong (2/?)  
Genre: PG-13-maybe R, just to be safe cause there's a lil bit of cussing and such.

Pairings: 3+4, 1+2 …[5+his hand (Just kidding ^_^)]

Disclaimer: Feh~ I don't own GW, never have never will. Wish I did though. :D Don't own Croc. Dundee either… or any other Aussie icons that may arise.  
  
Info/Summary: Well what have we here… In this chapter I thought it might be fun to take the boys for a gander through my home town, Well sorta… Might be a little of EVERYwhere where I take them. Hehe… also playing dress ups in here  too.. fun fun.  
  
~~~  
  
**Billabong **

  
  
There in the still waters was a pair of spooky bright gleaming eyes staring right up at him…  
  
~~~  
  
"Where's Duo?" Wufei had finished his morning exercises as he came around from behind the back of the tent where Quatre was reading through some Aussie Bush Cook books.

"I sent him down to get water." Trowa pointed to the direction of the Billabong. Wufei was about to say something when suddenly Duo came flying like a bat out of hell through the scrub screaming like a maniac and up the nearest gum tree.  
  
"NO! It's in there, It's in there… WAAAAaaaaaa…" The braided boy cried as he clung to one of the lower branches.  
  
"What's in there?"   
  
"T-The B-B…B."  
  
Wufei smirked. "Bunyip?" The braided boy nodded and held on tighter shaking from fright. "Duo, Bunyips climb trees too."  
  
"WAAAaaaaa…Huh?" Cried Duo but paused just as he heard the branch creak and snap dropping him towards the ground right in Heero's arms, as he just happened to have been passing right under the tree. "HEEEEEROO, my HERO. You gotta save me from the Bunyip, I saw it man.. I-It was HIDIOUSE."

Heero looked on uninterested. "Duo, there is no such thing as a Bunyip. Quater was just scaring you."

Duo looked to Quatre for reassurance but in return the blonde simply gave Duo quite the cocky grin where he couldn't tell whether the blonde was bullshitting him or not.  
  
"Duo, OFF… your heavy."  
  
"IIE!!" He clung to Heero like a frightened little child.

Heero sighed. This is going to be a LONG and tiring vacation. "Duo, if we go look and prove to you there is no Bunyip will you let go?"

"O-Ok…"  
  
All five boys went down to the Billabong and were greeted by Duo's 'Bunyip'.

"Duo? It's just a beaver. GOD you're an Idiot."  
  
"It's not a beaver Heero." Trowa pointed out.

"So what IS it then Mr. Ace Venture?" Duo answered back still hugging up to Heero.   
  
"Platypus."   
  
Everyone sweat-dropped. "DUO, All that RUCKES and for a PLATYPUS?" Burst Wufei and stormed back to camp muttering about stupid weakling braided baka's. 

As for the Platypus, if animal's could talk it's very words would have been 'Bunch o' Bloody Drongo's' And with that the cute and furry waddled off into the swampy wet lands.

~~~  
  
"Awwww LOOK Trowa, it's so cute. Can I have it? Can I can I?"  
  
Trowa looked at the profile in the book on Australian native wildlife, it was sure enough a Koala. And his blonde lover wanted it a Koala? "It says it's an endangered species. Means we cant take it home with us." Quatre gave his lover the biggest pouty look, but Trowa simply shook his head and showed Quatre the book so he'd understand. 

"Are those things man eaters?"  
  
"NO, Duo…"  
  
"Good. I like Koala's."  
  
At that moment a Galah just decided to shit on Wufei's head and gave a loud screech when the Chinese boy went to look up it shit again on his face.   
  
"Oh YUK. GROSS."  
  
"Hahaaaaa… Wu got shitted on." Laughed Duo as he rolled around on the ground in fits of laughter.

"Well don't just STAND there gimmie a tissue."  
  
~~~  
  
After their little nature walk Duo and Quatre wanted to go into town so all piled up in the jeep that Heero, Trowa and Quatre had first come over in, obviously they came by a cruise ship. They managed to get out of the bush area and onto the beaten track that lead to a main road, with Heero at the wheel and Towa reading the map and directing Heero out. Finally after many potholes and nearly flattening their tires on an Echidna, the jeep was back on track. And now that they were on the highway there was no trouble getting into town. Until… A car horn and the screech of tires.  
  
"GET OFF THE ROAD YA BLOODY DRONGO…"  
  
"Huh? Trowa what did he-.." Enquired Quatre from the middle backseat.  
  
Trowa was looking up in his Handy Aussie Slang booklet. "Hmm.. 'Get off the road ya bloody drongo' Says here that a Drongo is a 'noun:- a stupid, inept, awkward or embarrassing person, a dimwit or slow-witted person, a fool.' Also see 'Dimwit'. And it's also a name of a bird. And Heero?"  
  
"Hn?"   
  
"You're driving on the wrong side of the road again."  
  
~~~  
  
Not to long later after running about 5 red lights, nearly picking off an old lady walking across the road and barely missing a cat the boys found a parking spot and made their way towards the mall. Wufei was getting sick of the gnarly looks they were getting from the locals. What? Was something on his face?

Heero was just doing his best of Death Glares to everyone he passed. And he began to sense something was following them and sure enough there was. A bunch of schoolgirls were right behind them giggling and whispering to each other. One of them just happened to wolf whistle, but non of them were entirely sure who it was directed to.  
  
"Don't even think about it Duo."  
  
The braided American smirked innocently. "Think about what, Hee-chan?"  
  
"He means don't go and encouraging them." Trowa intervened.   
  
Ignoring Trowa's remark Duo turned and gave his most sexiest look to the girls as they all laughed and began making more comments and commotion behind the boys' backs.

"Hey check out that guys arse."  
"Man, look at that braid. You sure that's a guy?"  
"Gimmie the one with the tight pony tail."  
"Can those shorts be any tighter?"  
"How does his hair do that?"  
  
Wufei heard and went bright red as Quatre could only hold back his laughing for the time being, but was pulled aside by Duo who whispered a plan in his ear. They both conversed for a bit and turned about without the other 3 guys knowing and made themselves familiar amongst the school girls.  
  
"Hey girls?" Duo dropped his voice low enough so that only the girls could hear. "You chicks want a nice hot sex machine? See that guy there in the white pants and tight pony tail?" Duo pointed to Wufei.  
  
"Oh, yeah mate, is he free? Would he come home with one of us?"  
  
Duo chuckled. "Hell he'll go home with all of ya's. Just get him drunk enough." Duo huddled the group of girls together as they came right up behind Wufei, then the braided American reached down and gave the Chinese boy a nice big squeeze of the butt and took off like lightning pulling Quatre along with him.  
  
Wufei tried to ignore the amount of whispering and giggling until he felt his ass being grabbed and immediately went red as a tomato and chanced a glance from behind where there were about 4 or 5 girls on his tail giggling and seemed to have been sizing him up.

And in a purring Aussie accent the longhaired brunet of the group spoke up.

"Hey there sexy, wanna go walk about with us girls?"  
"Yeah we show you a good time hunny."  
  
Wufei swallowed and quickly caught up with the others sticking close by Trowa. "Hey Wu, what's the trouble?" Duo smirked one of those smirks that the Chinese boy knew very well Duo was up to something.  
  
"N-Nothing.."  
  
Back behind the girls continued to follow, giggle and drool bucket loads over the 5 boys.

~~~  
  
"I REFUSE to put that ON!"   
  
"Oh come on Heero, blend in."  
  
"Over my dead body."  
  
"Now now.. Don't be such a stick in the mud. And anyway I head that the sun can get quite hot around here. You don't want to get sun burnt."  
  
A moment later Heero emerged from behind the clothes rack with a broad brim hat and corks hanging down all around the hat.  
  
Quarter giggled. "Umm.. What is the purpose of the corks?"  
  
The young blonde shop assistant smirked. "That's to keep the blowies away mate."  
  
Quatre looked to Trowa. "Transaltion?"  
  
"Blowies – Flies."  
  
"AAAAaaaaaahhh… ONNA'S"  
  
Over yonder, in the same shop Wufei was being attacked by his School Girl admirers.  
  
"Aww, C'mon cutie... it's just a little cultural improvisation."  
  
"NO, GET OFF..." He was struggling.   
  
"There… PERFECT." The girls said altogether. Wufei then emerged out wearing a simular hat to Heero's but without the corks instead it had Crocodile teeth around the hat, covering his upper part was a vest made of croc. Imitation material and he wore a pair of tight fitting country man jeans with matching boots.  
  
"Aaaaahhh… IT'S A MASTERPIECE…" One schoolgirl crooned.   
  
"Injustice."  
  
"He looks just like Crocodile Dundee. He even has the right tan."   
  
While a couple of the girls were hanging off Wufei, the others spotted Trowa standing around doing nothing and instantly had ideas of their own and yanked Trowa into a change room without out so much a cry for help.  
  
The results when Trowa emerged from the change rooms had even Quatre on his knees…  
  
  
TBC  
~~~  
  
A/N: ehheheheeeeee… Can anyone guess who Trowa will be?? Mwaaahahhaha Only MI-CHAN Knows ^_^" Want more.. let me know..   
  
To those who don't know who Crocodile Dundee is… there's a link for ya 

  
 ^_^"  
  



End file.
